Chapter 64

64

Roxi

‘What were your first impressions of Roxi when you met?’ the voice asked.

‘Spontaneous, quirky, funny, unpredictable,’ began Owen. ‘We’ve always been total opposites.’

‘Relationships that can handle each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies often thrive,’ came the reply.

‘She had this aloofness about her too,’ Owen continued. ‘It was only when I started chipping away at her defences that I realized how much of her bravado was an act. What do they call that? Is there a name for it?’

‘Reaction Formation. It’s a defence mechanism in which a person goes beyond denial and behaves in the opposite way they actually feel. They protect themselves from further hurt and behave in exaggerated ways.’

‘Huh, yep, that’s my wife,’ Owen continued. ‘Even more so since this Influencing business started taking off. I’m sure it all stems back to when she was a kid.’

‘Many of our behaviours do. Can you expand?’

‘She was neglected so taken away from her parents when she was four, then spent her childhood moving around foster families. She once admitted that it was only as an adult that she understood that those foster parents weren’t rejecting her; temporary care was the nature of their job. I naively assumed that once we got married and the kids came along, she’d feel less worthless. But Roxi still needs the approval she never got as a girl, and if she doesn’t think she’s getting it from me, then she seeks it elsewhere, like social media. Even if the whole world told her she was loved, I still don’t think she’d believe it.’

‘From what you’re describing, her “attention seeking” sounds like an addiction. Have you heard of Dopamine? It’s a neurochemical found in the brain and is nicknamed the reward chemical because it releases when people behave in certain ways, like gambling or drug dependency. The need for that chemical becomes addictive in some. Perhaps Roxi finds that release in her job, gaining attention and followers for her posts.’

Roxi heard Owen let out a long, drawn-out breath. ‘Why can’t it be like it was when we first got together?’

‘Often we can look back on those halcyon days with rose-tinted glasses.’

‘You think I’m misremembering them?’

‘No, I’m suggesting that you are placing more emphasis on how happy you were then, because you’re comparing it to your relationship as it stands now.’

‘But we were happy.’

‘Most people marry because they’re happy. But today? How would you describe yourself in terms of your marriage?’

Roxi counted twenty-two seconds before Owen replied. ‘Lonely,’ he said.

She pressed the pause button on Cooper’s stolen laptop, removed her ear buds and the sound of chatter from the cafe she was visiting returned. Roxi hadn’t heard Owen speak in such depth about her or their relationship before, and especially to a stranger. Only Antoinette Cooper wasn’t a stranger to Owen. Neither was she his mistress. Roxi had killed his relationship therapist, a fact that had only come to light when she’d searched Cooper’s office and read the framed diplomas on her walls. Unless you were an official Government-sanctioned Relationship Responder, such a job was now illegal. No wonder she hadn’t identified herself to Roxi and kept glancing behind her to see if any neighbours were overhearing their confrontation. Cooper hadn’t wanted to risk being exposed. But if she’d explained who she was, she would still be alive today. It was her own bloody fault she was dead, not Roxi’s.

Antoinette had also more commonly gone by the name of Toni Cooper, which is why Roxi had been unable to find out anything about her online before their altercation.

According to dated files on the laptop, Owen had been seeing her for months, long before their Audite decided they had problems. Owen had foreseen the erosion of their relationship and only now was Roxi realizing that if she had listened when he’d tried to broach the subject, they might not have been Levelled up.

Her phone flashed with the first two lines of an email. It was from Suzanne at Talk Radio. Roxi had yet to return her invitation to appear on the station later in the week. Since Cooper’s death, Roxi had gone to ground, refusing to see anyone or update her social media content. She took another long gulp from a second glass of wine a waitress had carried over earlier. It wasn’t easing her anxiety as she hoped it might.

The guilt Roxi felt for violating her husband’s privacy wasn’t enough to stop her from listening. So she reinserted her earbud and picked another random recording, made six weeks earlier according to the date on the file.

‘I’ve done something I’m not proud of,’ Owen began.

‘Would you like to tell me about it?’ Cooper asked.

‘I don’t know if I do.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’ll make me explore my reasoning and I don’t know if I have the energy to do that today.’ He paused and Roxi held her breath. ‘I’ve betrayed my wife.’

Roxi’s stomach sank. She didn’t know if she wanted to hear any more.

‘It’s my fault we are on Level One. I’ve been saying things to the Audite that I shouldn’t have.’

‘What kind of things?’ Roxi asked at the same time as Cooper.

‘Stupid things. Like I don’t love her any more, that I want a divorce, that I’m not happy . . . stuff like that.’

‘And is any of it true?’

‘No.’

‘Can you explain your reasoning behind it?’

‘I hoped I was being recorded and it would force us onto Level One. Maybe then she’d take my marriage concerns seriously. But I don’t know if she has. She still doesn’t seem to care.’

‘Have you considered the effect this might have on Roxi’s career if your Levelling up is made public?’ Owen didn’t reply but Roxi heard him shuffling on Cooper’s leather sofa.

‘Can I take from your silence that you have considered it but acted regardless?’

‘Yes.’

‘So – and without putting words into your mouth – have you tried to sabotage her career to regain the Roxi you fell in love with?’

Owen hesitated again before agreeing.

Of all she had heard that day, this stunned Roxi the most. But she barely had time to process it before the next revelation appeared.

‘That’s not all,’ Owen continued. ‘I’ve been trolling her online, leaving nasty, hurtful comments on everything she posts.’

Roxi clasped her hand over her mouth. ‘What?’ she said aloud. A man sitting by an adjacent table turned sharply to look at her.

‘When did this start?’ asked Cooper.

‘Soon after she revealed she wanted to be the new Jem Jones. Do you remember me telling you how my son asked me if I could find him a new mummy because Rox never plays with him like his friends’ mums do? Before I went home, I sat outside your house, set up a bogus account using your wifi and started trolling my own wife.’

‘Why?’ asked Cooper.

‘Because I want to hurt her like she is hurting our family. Because she doesn’t listen. But mostly because I’m a bloody idiot.’

Roxi slammed the lid of the laptop shut, devastated by Owen’s betrayal. Yet amongst the hurt, a part of her understood why. And her anger wasn’t only directed at him, but at herself for allowing things to become so bad between them.

Something had to change. And, as far as she could see, it had to be her. But before she could give it any more thought, her watch pinged. And when she read the message, she closed her eyes and fought the urge to hurl her wine glass against the window.