Chapter Five

Nathan wasn’t the Alpha Anax, but he was the man’s mate, and as such, higher ranked in the pack than Alex had ever been. Alex was tired, confused, angry, and emotionally exhausted—the whole rainbow of emotions. He didn’t want another confrontation, but it looked like it was going to happen. Hoping to avert a violent one, he knelt and craned his neck, exposing the vulnerable artery that Nathan could easily rip out should he choose. Not that Alex thought he would, or he wouldn’t have offered his submission, but it was the only way he could think of to show he wasn’t interested in a fight.

Nathan barrelled to a halt, his shoes skidding in the soft dirt in front of Alex. Alex glanced up through his lashes when the man didn’t say or do anything other than pant.

Nathan’s hands were planted on his lean hips, and his hair was pretty much everywhere, tangled and stringy and slick with sweat near the temples. His face was red, which set off the green eyes.

Streaks of grey split the irises in a starburst pattern. It was an unusual colour combination, Alex mused, then wondered why he’d even noticed.

Probably because, as much anger as he was expecting to feel, to scent from Nathan, all he was picking up was something that looked to be, according to Nathan’s expression, sheer exasperation.

“Geez, would you get up already? What the hell do you think I want to do, sniff your neck or rip something out?” If Nathan’s expression was one of exasperation, his voice was one laced with irritation and, unless Alex was very wrong, a bit of humour. “Seriously, get up before Marcus looks this way and thinks you’re offering to blow me.”

Alex was up so fast dots danced before his eyes. He glared at Nathan when the man had the gall to laugh. “It’s not funny! Marcus would kill me if he thought that!”

“No shit,” Nathan agreed. He snorted as he glanced over his shoulder then turned back to Alex. “I think he’s still playing nurse to your mate. It’s mildly irritating, but also kind of cute. Maybe I should get him one of those uniforms—the guy ones,” he clarified when Alex was sure his jaw couldn’t drop any further. “Or maybe one of those white nurse’s hats, you know the ones? But I think those are only for women, but maybe—”

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Alex’s head was going to explode if Nathan didn’t shut up. “Is there a reason you followed me? Besides freaking me out with the whole ‘Alpha Anax in female nursing garb’

stuff?”

“That freaked you out?” Nathan asked as his eyebrows shot up.

Alex glowered; if Nathan wasn’t going to act like a higher ranking shifter, then Alex wouldn’t treat him like one. Nathan’s smirk, however, had Alex rethinking that. The red headed man looked like an evil fairy with that look on his face. Alex sighed and threw his hands in the air. “What do you want from me? I swear to God you are the most confusing man I’ve ever met!”

Nathan’s smirk somehow grew darker as he looked at his fingernails on one hand then buffed them against his shirt. “Well, normally I’d say my job here is done then, however”—

he glanced at Alex then beyond him towards the stream—“if all you were doing was going for a drink—which, we have plenty of back there; Alison had some of the guards carry the ice chests we brought—anyway, if that’s all you were doing, you can come back. Unless you’d rather have fresh stream water, that’s cool too.”

Alex’s mind raced as he tried to figure out how to answer what hadn’t really been a question. Then Nathan stepped closer and poked at a spot on Alex’s chest. Hard. Alex was so stunned he stood there like an idiot while Nathan repeated the jabs several times before Alex finally had enough sense to step back. “What the hell is your problem?” he snapped, rubbing at his chest.

Nathan gave him a haughty look but couldn’t hold it, snickering instead. “I was counting the ant bites. Dude, you’re covered. You’ve even got them, you know, there.”

Alex glanced down to where Nathan was pointing and wished to hell he hadn’t. Sure enough he had several bites there and now every damned one of them was stinging. Alex glared at the man and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well you sure aren’t counting those bites.”

After an eye roll that should have detached his optic nerves, Nathan tapped his foot and studied him for a moment. Alex was about ready to demand the man say something when he finally did.

“Okay, here’s the deal. I saw you slink off and figured you were going to haul ass and run again, and use some stupid excuse for it. Your sister would have started bitching all over

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again about it, Marcus would have blamed himself for running you off, and your mate? Did you even think about him? Or are you really such a heartless asshole you’d hold all that crap you spewed to Marcus about his name and family and whatever against him?”

If Alex had thought Nathan looked like an evil fairy before, that was nothing compared to the ball shrivelling glare he levelled on Alex now. “I can’t believe Marcus would have someone like that as the captain of his guard. Or is it that you’re still hung up on my mate?”

Alex shook his head quickly, because that evil look had turned into something closer to malevolent as Nathan had growled out that last part.

“No…I don’t…I mean, I just put him on this pedestal, you know?”

Nathan’s growl intensified and Alex hurried to explain. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I realised after what…what happened with Joshua Dobson—”

“When he sexually assaulted you,” Nathan snapped, not sounding sympathetic although the anger seemed to drain from his expression. “You were sixteen. You weren’t an adult, and Joshua was.”

“Yeah,” Alex said when he really just wanted to deny that’s what it was, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say it, either. He’d spent years trying to turn what had happened between him and Joshua into something he could cope with, but the fact was, Joshua had assaulted him, had taken advantage and manipulated Alex then hurt him in ways no one ever should be hurt. “That.

After that, I didn’t have anything to do with men for years. I tried, you know, with females, but there was just no way.” He shrugged and tried to ignore the burning in his cheeks. “So yeah, eventually I couldn’t take any more of my own hand, and I fucked a guy, and it was, well it was good. I could do that, but I couldn’t do anything else, like have a relationship. I just couldn’t go there.”

The more he talked, the clearer his reasons became to him. He’d kept what Joshua had done to him buried so deeply, told himself it didn’t affect him once he’d started having sex, but it had. Alex hadn’t let himself consider having a relationship because he wasn’t capable of giving himself to another man, not after the violent way Joshua had used him. He wasn’t going to explain that to Nathan, however. He was already spilling his guts and he didn’t even know the man, yet he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Marcus—Alpha Anax Criswell, I mean,” Alex corrected, not wanting to irritate Nathan by being too familiar with his mate. “He came along and just blew me away. Took on Randall Dobson, easily defeated him. Marcus wasn’t ashamed of who or what he was, he

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didn’t hide it, he embraced it. Here was this big, tough shifter who was out and waving his rainbow flag in everyone’s faces and demanding he be accepted. And he was, for the most part. Few challenged him, and those that did were left holding their asses in their hands and swearing fidelity to their new AA. And he appointed me, me captain of his guard.”

Alex shook his head, remembering how stunned he had been that the new Alpha Anax thought he was worthy of the position. “He was—is—honest and fair, smart and, please don’t get mad, attractive. It was easy to put all that built up longing on him, knowing he’d never do anything so dishonourable as to have an affair with someone directly under his command. If he had…”

“You wouldn’t have loved him anymore,” Nathan finished when Alex trailed off. “So he was lovable as long as he was unattainable.”

“Yes,” Alex admitted. “I’m just pretty fucked up, I guess.”

“Not any more than most of us.” Nathan glanced over his shoulder again.

Alex looked as well and saw his mate being bundled up in what looked like a sheet. Nathan half turned and hitched his thumb in that direction. “So, are you still going to run?”

Alex didn’t even try to deny that was what he had intended. “I want to, and not all just because I’m a mess. I want to bring Joshua Dobson in, if I don’t kill him first.”

Nathan’s grin was that same one that made Alex think the man was more dangerous than his pretty looks suggested. “Get in line, buddy. I can’t even begin to tell you the ways I’d love to make that asshole pay for all the things he’s done.”

Alex shivered as he thought that Dobson would be a very lucky shifter to die at anyone else’s hands besides Nathan’s.

“So are you coming or not? If it’s not, I think you’ll have your sister on your trail and that would suck big time.”

“Understatement,” Alex muttered, but he followed Nathan back to where the other shifters were gathered.

* * * *

Whatever they had been doing to him, it seemed to be working quickly.

Sean could hear somewhat, so the swelling there must have gone down, and he could open his eyes

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enough to see a little, even though everything was blurry. He knew the looming big shape was Marcus Criswell, and he was glad to know the man had recovered from his months in captivity.

Stuff had been slathered over his skin, which eased most of the burning and itching. His left arm had been set, which had been awful but not something he experienced for the first time. The first time, the pain had shocked him so badly he’d loosed his bladder, much to Joshua’s delight. Sean had been in too much pain to care.

He’d been given something vile to drink, which he’d tried to refuse until Marcus had insistently began pouring the liquid in his mouth. With his head back, Sean had no choice but to swallow, and within minutes was glad he had because as gross as the stuff was, it evidently had some sort of painkiller in it. Sean was still aching a bit, but he was pleasantly buzzing, floating on a cloud of medicinal manufacturing that he didn’t particularly care to leave.

Something niggled at his brain, but he couldn’t grasp it. He wondered if this was how Joshua felt when he snorted all those drugs. If so, Sean could kind

of understand why he did it, though he still thought it was a bad thing to do, especially for an alpha. Sean couldn’t have led his hand to his dick with the way he was feeling right now. How could an alpha lead a pack if this was the way drugs made them feel?

Yet even through his pleasurably drugged haze, he felt a change in his body, one that spiralled up from his groin, trying to harden his dick when that particular part of him hadn’t been hard in too long to remember. Still the warm, exciting feeling spread through him, heating the soles of his feet and all the way to his fingertips and the top of his head.

Everything in between sparked and tingled, and a scent reached his nostrils that, miraculously, brought that formerly limp slab to startling quick erectness.

Holy shit, that’s some good drugs. Except his gaze landed on a tall, lean, dark haired man with surprisingly blue eyes, and Sean realised it wasn’t drugs at all that was setting his body to quivering with something he’d never thought to feel. The niggling blossomed into a memory, a voice in his head, and Sean wavered between panic and hope as he named the feeling coursing through him.

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Desire, arousal, lust—it was everything and all of those but so much stronger. And the reason for it was the man standing at the edge of where the shifters had gathered, looking somewhere other than at Sean. But who could blame the man?

Sean’s euphoria vanished in a snap when the man turned and walked towards someone else. He couldn’t blame him. Sean was damaged physically and for sure mentally—probably even worse that way. And he would likely be tried as a traitor soon, so yeah, why wouldn’t his mate walk away?

All shifters had heard of destined mates and hoped that one day they would find their own. The pull between them was recognisable from the first meeting, and, Sean had been told, irresistible. Sean didn’t think he was a particularly strong man to begin with, or else Joshua wouldn’t have treated him like shit. He didn’t have a hope of resisting his mate, and didn’t see why he should bother trying, except that his mate undoubtedly deserved better than him and didn’t seem to want him.

It wasn’t like Sean had ever thought he’d have a mate anyway, but now that he did, the instinct to touch the man, to talk to him or even just look at him was almost overpowering Sean’s pain and fear. A mate would have the power to hurt him—or love him. But destined mates aren’t capable of hurting one another, not truly, not the physical kind of abuse like Joshua did to me, and not the bone-deep emotional ache I’ve felt for years.

Sean closed his eyes, too confused and scared to think about it right now.

His body burned from a thousand points. There were other things he needed to be worried about instead of whether or not his mate would want him—

like whether or not he’d be alive long enough for that whole issue to matter.

* * * *

It wasn’t until Alex followed his sister and the two guards who weren’t staying behind to pursue Dobson that Alex learned something he’d have thought someone might have told him sooner.

“Val, give Alex something to put on. Wouldn’t want to get pulled over and end up in jail because all his stuff is hanging out. We’ve got about a seven hour drive to Santa Fe, so let’s get moving.”

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“What’s in Santa Fe?” Alex asked as he caught the black cargo pants tossed to him by Val, one of Marcus’ guards. He wished for once he had some

underwear on, because the salve he’d been given to rub onto his cock and balls was sticky.

“The new headquarters,” Val said as he waved a shirt at Alex. “You want shoes too?

Well yeah, probably you do in case we make any stops.”

Alex buttoned the pants then caught the shirt while he mulled over the change in HQ.

“Why Santa Fe?”

Alison answered as she opened the driver’s side door. “That’s where Nathan has his gym, and his dad Rick lives there. Plus Marcus wanted to be closer to Aidan, his brother and Aidan’s mate, Zane. They’ve got their place on the market and are looking for a suitable home on the outskirts of Santa Fe as well. Now if they could just convince Mika and Gabe to move…”

Alex smiled absently at the mention of Mika and Gabe, two of Marcus’ and Aidan’s closest friends. They were Zane’s friend, too, although there’d been a time when Mika and Gabe hadn’t been fond of Zane at all since Zane had once been an alpha of Mika’s former pack—and had ordered Mika to be banned from the pack for being gay. Once it’d come to light that Zane had no choice other than to kick Mika out or die, Mika and Gabe had managed to put away their anger and even helped Zane when he’d been seriously injured.

All in all, Alex thought the men were pretty amazing.

“How are they doing?” Alex asked as he watched the Alpha Anax’s black Hummer pull away. His mate was in there, and Alex wanted to ride with him, but there wouldn’t have been room with the two female shifters and Sean, as well as Shania, Nathan and Marcus.

And he hadn’t been asked, either.

Alison waited until he got in and started buckling up before she answered.

“Ah, you missed Gabe’s changing ceremony. Last weekend he became an official shifter. He and Mika both pledged fidelity to the Alpha Anax, then there was a whole lot of sexing going on in Lincoln National. I felt left out,”

she added with a laugh.

Alex’s mood plummeted. He’d missed so much, his family, his pack, Marcus’ return as Alpha Anax, Gabe’s ceremony—all because of his wounded pride and his embarrassment at having so many of his secrets known.

“Did you call Mom yet?” Alison asked as she guided the SUV onto the dirt road.

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Sighing, knowing he was in for a well-deserved ass-chewing, he held out his hand.

Alison plunked the cell phone into his palm, and Alex dialled his mother’s number as Alison added, “Don’t forget to tell her you found your destined mate. That should take some of the heat out of her.”

But it wouldn’t if she knew how I acted. “I’ll call her, and Aaron, too.” He hadn’t spoken to his brother in a while and it’d be good just to hear his voice.

“Aaron won’t be home right now, but you can leave him a message.”

Alex frowned at his sister. “Where is he?”

Alison shrugged. “Some girlfriend he’s hooking up with. I don’t know, he goes through them like he goes through toilet paper. Boy never did learn the

‘take only what you need’

rule.”

“Maybe he did, and he needed half the roll every time he took a shit. I told mom years ago she should have just bought a pressure washer to hose Aaron off with. Daily.”

“Quit stalling by bringing up our brother’s shit. Toilet paper usage is okay, but discussing fecal matter or urine, nuh-uh. Call mom.”

* * * *

After more than three hours in a vehicle Alex was about ready to punch something. He felt especially confined since he’d spent so many weeks out in the open, with the exception of the occasional hook-up. That, and every time he’d tried to contact his mate using their link all he’d got back was a rather euphoric wave of gibberish. Sean was definitely in his own special la-la land, and while Alex didn’t want him hurting, not knowing how he was doing other than being higher than Willis Tower in Chicago, was driving Alex nuts with worry.

Look how quickly I changed my mind. That link is more powerful than any un-mated shifter could ever guess. It wasn’t just the link that had affected Alex, though. The conversation with Nathan, and a surprisingly calm one with Alison had helped peel the scales of self-deception from Alex’s eyes.

Then when Alison had apologised for accusing him of letting Stewart Combs kill himself, and for knocking him on his ass as well, Alex thought he must have stumbled into a parallel universe. Alison had never apologised to him, not like that, and he wasn’t quite sure RENDERED

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what to make of it. Neither was she, apparently, because the silence between them extended into the awkward realm it was now in.

Alex’s heart flipped when the Hummer’s turning signal flashed and the brake lights lit up. “We’re stopping too, right?” He wanted to at least check on Sean himself, see if maybe he could reach the man on some level.

“Of course,” Alison said after snorting loud enough to lose a few nose hairs.

“Like we’re letting the Alpha Anax and his mate stop at a rest area alone after what happened last time.”

“I’m surprised he’s stopping at one now,” Alex admitted. Dobson had abducted Marcus from a rest area in New Mexico. That was where the trail ended when Alex had searched in vain for the man. The damned GPS

tracker hadn’t done a bit of good since Marcus’ old Hummer had been left behind for thieves to plunder.

As soon as Alison stopped the SUV, Alex was out the door and bounding over to the Hummer. He wasn’t quite ready to face the Alpha Anax yet, not after their earlier confrontation, so he veered to the passenger door where Shania was just getting out.

“How is he?” Alex asked, trying to peer around her. She wasn’t a small shifter, tall and bulked up with muscle in a way that still managed to look feminine.

Marcus twisted in his seat and Alex couldn’t avoid his eyes. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

I’m trying! Alex decided it was wiser to keep his mouth shut this time around, but once Shania moved he climbed in the vehicle and immediately became aroused from his mate’s scent. Behave, now’s so not the time. The two women he’d rescued were huddled together in the seat, so Alex assumed Sean was curled up in the back.

Before he could so much as reach an arm around to touch his mate, who was bundled up like a baby in a swathing cloth, Marcus’ hand landed on his shoulder. Alex flinched and glanced at him even as he tried not to bristle at the delay in touching Sean.

“I have a better idea,” Marcus said in a way that sounded almost apologetic, which made no sense to Alex. “Come around back, I’ll open it that way and you can reach him easier.”

If it was a peace offering, it was the best one Alex could have hoped for. He nodded and backed out of the vehicle, then met Marcus and Nathan at the back of it. Nathan gave him a

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grin and patted his arm. “I’m just going to go relieve some of the pressure off my bladder.”

He sauntered off with a swing of hips that made Marcus’ eyes gleam with the same desire that rolled off him.

Alex decided to breathe through his mouth.

“Sorry, just let me…” Marcus opened the back of the Hummer a few inches then stopped and looked at Alex. “Look, Alex, I shouldn’t have lost my temper like I did, it’s just—this man in here, sometimes he was the only reason I survived. There were times I was sure I’d die, when I’d been starved and deprived of water, or beaten so bad I could hardly breathe, and yet there was this slip of a man, so scared he smelt of nothing else, but he’d risk his brother’s wrath to try to help me what little he could. I just…I think you’re a good shifter, and Sean is as well, and maybe I was a little pissed at you for leaving like you did—”

“I’m not a good shifter,” Alex said before Marcus could go on. “But I will be. Please, can I…” He grabbed the edge of the tailgate.

“Sure, sure, sorry, I—” Marcus opened the tailgate and stepped aside. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, after your sister scares all the men out of the restroom.”

Alex looked at Sean curled on his side with his broken arm cradled against his chest. He didn’t think there’d ever been a moment in his life where he’d wanted anything more than he wanted to hold his mate. Alex climbed in and cursed. They weren’t going to fit, not in this small space. He settled for scooting as close to Sean as he could and carefully lifting Sean’s head and placing it on his lap.

Sean stiffened then relaxed, his breathing smoothing out after a second’s hesitation.

Alex carefully ran his fingers over Sean’s short hair. In this lighting it looked more of a light brown than strawberry blond, but that might have been due to the dirt and grit and that god awful salve that Shania had applied to Sean’s bites.

Alex trailed a hand down the side of Sean’s face, keeping the pressure light so as not to hurt him. The sticky salve was an annoyance that kept him from truly feeling Sean’s skin, but if it helped Sean, then Alex would happily put up with the stuff. He traced the line of Sean’s bruised jaw, then further down, feathering touches over the side of his neck. Sean shivered and made a needy sound, and moisture leaked from the edge of one swollen eye.

Alex stopped, afraid he’d caused Sean pain, but Sean made the sound again and wiggled as if trying to scoot up onto Alex’s lap. Alex stroked the long line of his neck again,

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and couldn’t miss the way Sean’s skin pebbled with goose bumps under his fingertips. He moved his hand around and felt the pronounced knobs of Sean’s spine standing out at the back of his neck.

Marcus’ words about Sean sneaking him food came back to Alex. Had Sean done without just to help Marcus? He couldn’t have been getting much food

himself. Even distorted as his body had been, swollen by ant bites and his brother’s beating, it had still been obvious by the sharp pelvic bones and stick-thin appendages that Sean had been dangerously malnourished.

“Fuck it,” Alex muttered as his heart did that pinching thing again. He wiggled around carefully, biting back curses, twisting himself damn near like a pretzel until he was able to curl his body around Sean’s. A satisfied smile curled his lips as he nuzzled Sean’s hair, uncaring of the sharp scent of the salve and the sticky mess it was leaving on his face. He was wedged in good, and he wasn’t going to move again unless someone pried him out with a crowbar.

* * * *

Sean sighed happily, content to stay in the nice dream where he was held in strong arms. Occasionally lips kissed his head, his temple, the skin beneath his ear. It was the best dream he’d ever had, and he didn’t ever want to wake from it. His dream man felt perfect pressed against him, and he smelt like all the best things Sean had never thought to have.

“It’s not a dream, Sean. I’m real, and I’m here. Wake up and you’ll see.”

Sean frowned at the voice invading his dream. It sounded every bit as delicious as the dream itself, but he suspected it was a trick. Being awake was never pleasurable, and this dream or fantasy or whatever was something he didn’t ever want to leave. But the fucking voice would not shut up!

“Open your eyes for me, Sean. I haven’t seen them yet. Marcus told me they were beautiful, almost amber coloured. I’d like to see that, see you looking back at me without anything but joy in your eyes. Trust me, Sean, please.

I’m your mate. You know I could never hurt you.”

Sean was pretty damned impressed with his mind even in his sleep. He hadn’t known he could dream so realistically of something other than horrible things. He’d be more

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impressed though if he could get that voice out of his head. He knew he had a mate, but the man hadn’t wanted anything to do with him earlier, so this was surely just another cruel trick his mind was playing on him. Joshua was probably involved in it too, Sean just wasn’t sure how.

“I was ashamed, that’s why I walked away when I came back. I said some things, stupid, stupid things earlier, and the Alpha Anax had put me in my place. I wanted to run, to hide from what I’d said and done, but someone wouldn’t let me. Nathan made me see what I was doing, why I was doing it.

Nathan—”

Hearing another man’s name in that smooth, deep voice was enough to snap Sean right out of his pleasant dream. Of course something would have to screw it up.

Except when he opened his eyes, he found himself peering up into those blue ones he’d longed to have look at him earlier in the day, and Sean’s breath hitched in his chest when it sank in that he hadn’t been dreaming at all.

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