Chapter Four

The sound of knocking on the door stirred Matt awake. He groaned as he sat up on the small couch where he'd finally fallen asleep. It was rare he slept, but when he did, he usually passed out without even realizing it. It was the only way. He'd learned soon after Faith was kidnapped that trying to go to sleep only meant long hours of thinking as he stared at the ceiling in the darkness.

As the pounding continued on his front door, he forced himself to stand, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes as he stumbled to the front of the house. He peeked through the hole to see who was interrupting the first good sleep he had in over a week, sighing when he saw his best friend, Jason, looking back at him impatiently.

Matt worked the lock, then pulled the door open, turning away to head toward the kitchen without even saying hello.

"Well, aren't we cheerful today?" Jason shut the door and followed Matt.

"Fuck off. What do you want?" Matt reached for the already dirty coffee cup he'd left by the sink and poured a cup of cold coffee out of the pot. He stuck the cup in the microwave to warm before turning and looking at Jason.

"I just thought I'd check on you." Jason raised a brow. "You look like shit."

"Thanks, didn't know I needed to dress up for you." Matt rolled his eyes. "Trish called you, didn't she?"

"She's worried about you." Jason leaned against the counter. "And I am too."

"I'm fine. I mean, how do you guys expect me to be? My daughter is missing. I have no clue who has her or what is happening to her. Should I be happy and laughing?" He pulled the coffee out of the microwave, slamming the door shut harder than he meant to.

"No, but she said you aren't eating, and you've stopped answering your phone. Have you even checked your voicemail?" Jason opened the

cupboard beside him and pulled out a coffee cup, pouring his own coffee without even bothering to ask.

The two of them had been friends for nearly twenty years. They'd met in junior high, in wood shop. The friendship was instant. They'd been by each other's sides through hell and back. He loved Jason like a brother, but since Faith went missing, he just couldn't bring himself to be around anyone. They all tried to comfort him. He didn't need comfort. He needed his daughter back.

Matt blew over his coffee. "I'm alive. I answer the phone when I want to talk to someone. I haven't starved to death yet. Trish is just being her usual overprotective self."

"I don't know. Looking at you, I'm kind of worried myself." Jason started the microwave to warm his own coffee.

"How should I be? Fuck, you guys think I should just pick up and move on with my life, forget she's out there somewhere?"

"No, I'm not saying that, but you can't let yourself go like this. You have to take care of yourself, so you can help Faith. Seriously, you've lost like twenty pounds and you look like you were hit by a truck."

"I am surviving the best I can." Matt walked over to the kitchen table and sat down.

"You know, I could move in for a bit if you want. Help out with stuff."

"No, I'm good." The last thing he needed was someone hanging over his shoulder all the time.

"Matt—"

"Listen, I'm okay. I appreciate you being worried, but I'm just trying to get through each day. I'm not going to kill myself off. I promise. I just need time." Matt stared at Jason as he sat down across from him.

"What's going on with work?" Jason asked.

"I'm supposed to go back Monday. I've used all my vacation and sick leave. They've offered to work with me if I need time off, but they really want me back."

"Are you going to go?"

Matt shrugged.

"You can't just quit."

"I've got money saved, but that doesn't mean I'm not going back. I just haven't officially decided for sure." He dreaded the thought of being around so many people. The last thing he wanted was all his co-workers staring at

him in pity and whispering about him behind his back. "I'll probably go back, but cut down my hours for now."

"Can I do anything for you?" Jason lifted his cup to his lips, his worried gaze traveling over Matt.

"No, just trust me that I'm not killing myself off. I eat when I need to.

You woke me up, so I'm getting sleep. It's just hard. I know she's out there, but I don't know where or with who. I keep thinking about what could be happening to her." Tears filled Matt's eyes and he quickly blinked them away. He was done crying. He cried the first two weeks. Now was the time for action, not tears.

"And this website that Trish tells me you've been on? She sounded really upset about it." Jason stared at him.

Matt blew out a long breath. "It's the dark web. I didn't mean for her to see it. It's sex trafficking, pedophiles, anything illegal really. It's where they sell identities when your ID is stolen, or teams work together to hack stores and large companies. It's the worst of the worst."

"And you're on there?"

"I'm watching it, looking for Faith." Matt didn't need to tell him how deep he was involved in it.

"Looking through that shit on there can't be healthy."

"I agree, but someone has to. The police seem to have given up. She'll end up a cold case until they find her body in a few years after some pervert tires of her. I can't let that happen. If there is a chance I can find her, any chance at all, I will do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. What I'm dealing with is nothing compared to what she must be going through." Matt swallowed the last of his coffee.

"Can I help you look? I don't know the first thing about the dark web. I wouldn't even know how to find it."

"Thanks, but it's not easy to get on. It's taken weeks just for me to earn what little trust I have on there. It's not like you can just sign on and browse through it like you do other sites. Besides, you're right, it fucks with your head, and you don't need that."

"And you do?"

"No, but the damage is already done. I can't unsee what I've seen."

"Fuck, Matt, you can't do this to yourself."

"Then tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do? Go to work each day and forget Faith is missing? Go about my life as if she isn't in the hands of

some stranger who could be hurting her? I can't do that. You know I can't."

Matt stood, going for more coffee. "Tell Trish you talked to me and think I'm okay. Tell her to stop worrying about me. I know what I'm doing. I promise I won't starve myself. I'm not that far gone yet."

"Yet." Jason huffed. "I'm worried about you."

"And I'm worried about Faith."

"We all are." Jason sighed. "I wish there was more I could do."

"I know, but there isn't. Just keep pushing the flyers, and you've done great keeping the Facebook page active. The more people who see her face the better the chance of finding her." Matt sat down again with his fresh cup of coffee. "I know I might seem ungrateful for everything everyone is doing, but I'm not. I just need to do what I'm doing right now. Weeks of searching out there…" He waved his hand toward the window. "Has turned up nothing. I've got to try whatever else I can."

"No one is saying you're ungrateful. We're just worried."

"Don't be, okay? As long as there is hope that she is alive, I'm going to push on. I can't give up."

"That's all I need to hear. I just don't want to walk in one day and find you dead because you let yourself go. I'm not as worried as your sister is, but I'm concerned. Maybe answer your phone once in a while and let us know you're okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I could do that." He hated the distraction of his phone.

He needed every bit of focus to deal with the people he was trying to work with on the dark web. One slip up and everything he'd worked for would be lost. "I'll try to do better."

"Have you talked to Jill's parents?" Jason asked.

He closed his eyes, remembering the conversation with his wife's parents. "Yeah, they called a few nights ago. Helen offered to come stay for a few weeks if I needed help, but honestly, she'd just be in the way. I promised them I'd be in touch if there was any news. They are putting up flyers in Florida and doing all they can, but being so far away, there isn't much more they can do."

"Has to be hard for them." Jason picked up his coffee cup and went into the kitchen, rinsing it out.

"It is, Faith is all they have left of Jill." Matt shook his head. "Anyway, anything else my sister sent you over to find out?"

Jason grinned. "No, she was just worried. I'll call her and let her know I talked to you and think you're holding up the best you can. Just try not to bring up that dark web stuff with her. I think it really freaked her out."

"It would freak any sane person out." Matt sighed. "Okay, get out of here so I can shower and decide what I'm going to do about work on Monday."

"You should go in."

"I probably will for a bit." He needed to keep some money coming in.

Even if he had some saved, he couldn't get careless. "I'll be okay, I promise." Matt got up, going to where Jason still stood in the kitchen.

"Thanks for not letting me push you away, even though I try."

Jason gripped Matt's shoulder. "We've been through too much for me to walk away now. I'm always here if you need me."

"Thanks." Matt swallowed back emotions he didn't want to deal with.

He really did have great friends and family. He was just so lost in his anger over Faith being taken that he took them all for granted. "I can never repay you for all you've done."

"You don't have to. You know I'd do anything for you and Faith. Now go grab a shower, eat something besides some instant noodle thing, and try not to let yourself be dragged down into the darkness of that website you're on. I'm here if it gets to be too much."

Matt nodded. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask." Jason gave his shoulder another gentle squeeze. "I'll call soon."

"And I might answer." Matt gave a half smile.

"You do that." Jason saluted as he walked out.

A few seconds later, Matt heard the front door open and shut. Alone again, he let out a long sigh. As much as he wanted to get back online and start searching for Faith again, he did need a shower. He'd keep his promise to Jason and try to do better, but until Faith was home, he couldn't be sure he could keep his promises to anyone. The only promise that mattered right now was the one he made to bring his daughter home.

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