The case of rebellious Susan; a comedy in three acts

\_Sits down and begins to write hurriedly.

Sir R. Mrs. Quesnel, since there's no help for it, will you take care of her for a few weeks, and bring her round to a sensible frame of mind

?

Inez. Of course, anything that I can do

34 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act i

Re-enter Lady Susan, apparently in very bright spirits, dressed as for a journey, followed by Maid with parcels and bandboxes.

Lady S. Now, Inez, I'm ready. Is your carriage outside ?

Inez. [Doubtfully?^ Ye—es, but Lady S. \To Maid.] Phillips, put them in Mrs. Quesnel's carriage, and come back and bring the rest of my luggage.

\Exit Maid left, with bandboxes and parcels, Lady S. Good-bye, Uncle Jo ! [Kissitig the Admiral.] Good-bye, Uncle Dick ! [Kissing him.'] Good-bye, auntie !

Lady D. You foolish woman !

Lady S. What are you writing ?

Lady D. [Reads.] " Lady Susan Harabin, whose health has been in a very delicate state for some time past, has left for Egypt with Mrs.

Quesnel."

James Harabin enters, looking half wretched and half defiant.

Lady D. [Continuing to read.] " Mr. James Harabin has gone to Yorkshire for a few weeks' shooting before rejoining Lady Susan."

Lady S. [Shrugs her shoulders.] I've said goodbye to everybody, haven't I ?

Har. [Sternly. ]You have not said good-bye to me, madam.

ACT I REBELLIOUS SUSAN 35

Lady S. [ With great politenessP\ Good-bye, my dear sir. Come, Inez.

[Inez a little protests. Lady Susan gently pushes her off left, is going after her. Har. \Trying to assume a tone of stern authority?^ Where are you going, madam ?

Lady S. \Same tone of extretnely calm politeness^ I

am going to find a little romance, and introduce it into our married life. \(^oing off.

Har. [Loud, angry.] I forbid you, madam! I forbid you.

[Lady Susan, in the most graceful, calm, and polite way, snaps her fingers three times at hitn, each time with a larger action, then backs out door left, bowing profoundly and politely to him. James Harabin makes an angry dash after her, realises he is powerless, stops, stands in a state of helpless, pathetic bewilderment for a few moments, then turns and appeals in 4urn for sympathy to Lady Darby, who slowly and sympathetically shakes her head a?id sighs deeply ; to the Admiral, who purses his lips and pulls a long face; to Sir Richard, who shrugs his shoulders. James Harabin stands helpless.

A very slow curtain. (Ten months pass between Acts i and 2).

REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

ACT II.

Scene. Sir Richard Kato's sitting-room at the St. Mildred^s Hotel, Westbay, a comfortable room in a good-class seaside hotel. A door right. A large window, left, opening upon balcony and giving exit to gardens. Discover Sir Richard writing at table.

Enter Waiter, showing in Inez. Exit Waiter.

Sir Richard. [Rising, shaking hands very cordially.'] My dear Mrs.

Quesnel!

Inez. What has brought you to Westbay, Sir Richard ?

Sir R. An appeal from Elaine, who seems to have made a bad start in matrimony

Inez. Oh yes, she and Mr. Pybus are down here in separate apartments

Sir R. My wish to see my young friend Lucien, my wish to see Sue, my wish to see you,—first of all, how is Sue ?

Inez. In the rudest health. We've had a glorious time.

Sir R. You've been away from England ten months. Weren't you and Sue getting a little homesick, eh?

Inez. [Meditating.] N—o, n—o. I don't think so.

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 37

Sir R. I'm sorry. Tell me everything about Sue.

Inez. I've told you everything in my letters.

Sir R. Yes, but what are her feelings towards her husband ?

Inez. I haven't the key of her heart.

Sir R. But so far as you can judge ?

Inez. So far as I can judge, Sue is in a state of the most perfect indifference towards every man alive. But that is the attitude which you men force us to assume to you, to ourselves, to everybody except the one man alive.

Sir R. But there is no one-man-alive in Sue's case?

Inez. Not that I know of. But don't trust either my eyesight or my penetration, because

Sir R. Because?

Inez. Because if I were in Sue's place I should take good care that nobody knew. And I credit Sue with the common or garden powers of

deception. [Sir Richard walks about, a little perplexed and uncomfortable.

Inez. It's charming of me to give away my sex to you like this, isn't it

?

Sir R. It is. I assure you I appreciate it. After a lifetime's practice in the Divorce Court I still feel myself like Newton, a mere child on the seashore, with all the boundless ocean of woman's mysterious nature stretching silent, and innavigable, and inexplorable before me.

Inez. Perhaps the Divorce Court isn't the best 38 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

place to learn what unsuspected depths and treasures there are in woman's nature.

Sir R. [ Very winning and confidential.^ Well, now tell me—I'm only asking in the purest spirit of scientific inquiry—are there any depths and treasures which we mere outsiders, men, never suspect?

Inez. Shall I tell you? Yes, treasures of faithfulness, treasures of devotion, of self-sacrifice, of courage, of comradeship, of loyalty. And above all, treasures of deceit,—loving honourable deceit, and secrecy and treachery.

Sir R. I had already suspected there might be an occasional jewel of that sort in the dark, unfathomed caves.

Inez. You're laughing at me. You men never will see anything but a comedy in it. So we have to dress up our tragedy as a comedy just to save ourselves from being ridiculous and boring you. But we women feel it is a tragedy all the same.

Sir R. [ With real feeling.'\ Surely you have no tragedy in your life ?

Inez. I ? [LaughsJl Oh ! dear no. And you ?

[Very searc/iingly.

Sir R. I ? Oh ! dear no. [Pause—a shadow of recollection crosses his face. \ None that I cannot hide, or, better still, laugh at.

Inez. Ah, that's it! Our own hearts aren't sacred to us. That's our real modern tragedy—we laugh at the tragedy of our own lives !

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 39

Sir R. No, no, that's our real modern comedy and our truest wisdom.

[Inez shakes her headJ] Yes, yes, believe me, it is so. We'll keep on dressing it up as a comedy for fear of boring people and making ourselves ridiculous. To come back to Sue Inez. Where's Mr. Harabin?

Sir R. You'll keep my secret ?

Inez. Honour!

Sir R. On his way here.

Inez. On his way here ?

Sir R. [iV^^i-.] Sir Joseph and Lady Darby are bringing him. I came last evening to reconnoitre, but I didn't get in till midnight. Now, can't you and I, like good Samaritans, pour in wine and oil upon the wound ?

Inez. I'm always pouring in oil, but Sue doesn't seem to trouble very much about the wound.

Sir R. You don't rub it in. Not enough elbowgrease, eh?

Inez. Perhaps. It's very absurd to make a fuss about other people's love affairs.

Sir R. But when a husband and wife have quarrelled ?

Inez. Then it's clearly one's duty to advise them to make it up. And one does it, the same as one goes to church, because it is one's duty, not because there's any result from it.

Sir R. [^Takes out watch.'\ You'd better send Sue to me, but don't tell her that Harabin is coming.

D

40 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Enter Waiter. Brings card to Sir Richard.

Sir R. Where are you staying ?

Inez. Seven, Marine Gardens—it's just opposite.

\Going towards window.

Sir R. \To Waiter.] Show Mr. Edensor in.

\Exit Waiter.

Inez. Edensor ? There was a Mr. Edensor staying at the hotel at Cairo last year.

Sir R. This is Lucien Edensor.

Inez. It must be the same.

Sir R. He's the son of my old friend Danby Edensor. His father died in India last year, and I've got him a government appointment in New Zealand. He wrote to me from Eastgate, so I asked him to come over and see me. Do you know him?

Inez. Very slightly, only a table d'hote acquaintance. This is my nearest way. I'll send Sue to you. \Exit at balcony.

Enter Waiter announcing Mr, Lucien Edensor.

Efiter Lucien Edensor, a handsome young man about twenty-five.

Exit Waiter.

Sir R. \Coming down from balcony.'] Ah, my dear boy. \Shaking hands very warmly.

Lucien. Sir Richard, how can I thank you ?

Sir R. By saying nothing at all about it, and proving that you are the right man for the post.

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 41

LuciEN. I shall do all I can to justify your recommendation.

Sir R. I'm sure you will. When do you start ?

LuciEN. Next Thursday.

Sir R. It will be a wrench to leave England for so many years ?

LuciEN. I'm rather glad of it. The truth is, Sir Richard, I'm awfully down in the mouth.

Sir R. What's the matter ? A woman ? [Lucien nods.] Poor boy ! Ah well, at your age you'll get over that.

Lucien. I shall never get over it.

Sir R. That's what we all say at twenty-five, and it does credit to our youthful innocence.

Lucien. I shall never forget her.

Sir R. No; but you'll wonder what on earth you could have seen in her to rave about.

Lucien. You don't know how I love her.

Sir R. Yes I do, my boy. I've been twenty-five. I've had my illusions.

At twenty-five you have the delight of your illusions, and you laugh at the fogies. But at fifty you'll have the far greater delight of seeing through your illusions and laughing at the youngsters. Take my word for it, fifty is the age when a healthy man begins to enjoy life.

Lucien. [Biffer/y.] And when instead of loving a woman with all his heart he can laugh at her !

Sir R. No, no ! when he can love her and laugh at her too. When he can love 'em all very much

D 2

42 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

more, and when, damn 'em, they can plague him very much less.

LuciEN. I shall never love but this one woman as long as I live.

Sir R. So you say ! So you say ! LuciEN. [Rather angrily.'] You don't believe me?

Sir R. My dear Lucien, I bought all there was of your father's very excellent Madeira. Today is the fifth of September. Write to me every fifth of September and say, " On my honour, I love her still," and on my honour I'll send you half-adozen bottles of that excellent Madeira every year. Is it a bargain ?

Lucien. Yes. [Shakes hands, suddenly remembers.'] There were only two dozen of that Madeira left! It won't last out!

Sir R. My boy, it will last out your love.

Lucien. Sir Richard, when you talk like that, I feel, in spite of all you have done for, me, I feel I—I almost hate you. I love her, and if my love is an illusion I hope I shall die in it!

Sir R. [ With a change in manner, very softly and tenderly^ You're right. [Long sigh.] Love her, my dear boy, love her as long as you can.

Lucien. Do you say that. Sir Richard ? even if Sir R. If what ?

Lucien. If she's the wife of another man.

Sir R. The devil! No !

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 43

LuciEN. I can't help it. I must keep on loving her.

Sir R. Very well then, keep on loving her. But pack off to New Zealand next Thursday. Now let's drop her. You'll want the agreement and the letter of instructions. They're upstairs.

\^He is going to door when enter Waiter

shozving in Lady Susan. Lucien

starts a little, mmoticed by Sir Richard.

Exit Waiter.

? Lady S. \Begins very affectionately?^ My dear Uncle Dick ! \_Sees Lucien, starts rather violently.

Sir Richard sees her confusion. Lucien, behind Sir Richard's back, makes her a sign of warning.']

You have a visitor.

Sir R. You know Mr. Edensor ? Lady S. [ Who has a little recovered.]

No. Sir R. Then let me introduce you. Mr. Lucien Edensor, Lady Susan Harabin.

Lady S. I fought at first that I had met you, but

Lucien. I don't think I've had the pleasure.

\^An awkward little pause. Sir R. I'll fetch those instructions, Lucien.

\_He turns suddenly at door, sees they are both watching hint furtively. Exit Sir Richard. They watch hitn off. The mome?it he has left the room they turn to each other. Lady S. [Pleased, excited, frightened.] Lucien 1

44 REBELLIOUS SUSAN ACT il

LuciEN. Lady Sue!

Lady S. [A/armed.] We haven't—betrayed ourselves ?

LuciEN. No—I don't think so.

Lady S. What brings you here ? Why didn't you let me know you were coming ? Why haven't you sent me a message all these months ?

LuciEN. You said I was not to write

Lady S. \Reproachfullyi\ And you obeyed me!

LuciEN. When my father died Sir Richard was such a brick to me I felt I couldn't behave like a blackguard and bring disgrace to his family. But

now I've seen you again

[ Trying to clasp her.

Lady S. [Repulsing hifn.'] Hush ! We shall be heard ! What can we do

?

LuciEN. Go back to the old sweet days of last year; let it all be as it was then. That last Sunday at Cairo

Lady S. [Frightened, looking round?[ Hush! You're sure nobody suspected.

LuciEN. How could they? We were always so careful.

Lady S. Oh, I should kill myself if any one knew ! You have never spoken of me—boasted to any of your men friends ?

LuciEN. Lady Susan, I'm not a cad.

Lady S. Forgive me, I know you wouldn't—and you never will ?

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 45

LuciEN. Be sure you will never be [looking at her with great intentness] misjudged through me.

Lady S. Thank you. No one will ever guess LuciEN. No one shall ever guess what—never— happened.

[She looks at him very gratefully and affectionately, presses his hand with great gratitude. Lady S. Thank you ! Thank you ! Shush !

Enter Sir Richard with papers in his hands. Throughout the act his outward demeanour to the persons on the stage is that of great frankness and entire absence of suspicion, but whenever the business of the stage allows it, he shows to audience that he is most keenly watching every word, movement, and glance of Lady Susan, Inez, and Lucien.

Sir R. Lucien, my boy, you'll stay to lunch with LS?

Lucien. Yes. No, I don't think—at least— \ylances at Lady Susan.]

Sir R. Oh, I insist. I've brought the agreement and instructions. You'll have time to study them cirefuUy on your way out to New Zealand.

Lady S. New Zealand ?

Lucien. I'm leaving for New Zealand next Thursday.

Lady S. For long ?

Lucien. For some years, perhaps for life.

46 REBELLIOUS SUSAN

Lady S. Indeed!

Sir R. You had better take these—

[Is about to cross and give papers to Lucien, when Waiter enters, showing in Inez.

Enter Inez. Exit Waiter. Sir Richard watches •very closely to see if Inez and Lucien recognise each other. Inez slightly bows to Lucien.

Lucien returns it in same tmembarraised 7natiner.

Sir R. [Papers still in hand, to Inez.] Didn't you say that Mr. Edensor was staying at your horel at Cairo last year ?

Inez [Quite frankly.'] Yes. [To Lucien.j If you remember, we used to sit opposite to you at table d^hote.

Lady S. [Suddenly, a little overdoing it.] Of course ! I could not imagine where I had met Mr, Edensor. Now I remember quite well !

[Sir Richard turns and looks at her.

Lucien. [A little lamely^ Yes, but really it had escaped me. [Sir Richard turns and looks at him.]

Sir R. Very natural. Well, you'll sit opposite to each other again at lunch with me to-day. [Giving papers.] Take these into the smoking-room and look through them. Wait for me there.

Lucien. [Has taken papers, to Inez.] Then I shall meet you again at lunch.

Sir R. Yes, you'll meet her again at lunch,

[Exit Lucien,

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 47

My dear Sue, welcome to England ! I'm delighted to see you. Quite well and happy, eh ?

\^Looks at her. Lady S. Quite well, and perfectly happy. ■ Sir R.

\Between her and Inez.] That's right. So you didn't remember Lucien? [In a tone of affected carelessness, the tone of a skilful crossexaminer who is leading his witness unsuspectingly 07l7[

Lady S. Yes, I did, but I could not recall where it was I had met him.

Sir R. \Turning to Inez.] You remembered him at once ?

Inez. [Very frankly^ Oh, yes. He sat almost opposite to us at table d^hote for a month. Then he was called away suddenly to India to his father, who was dying.

Lady S. Was he ? I'd forgotten.

[Sir Richard watches the following scene unobtrusively, but most intently.

Inez. My dear Sue, where is your memory? Nearly every one in the hotel went to see him off at the

Lady S. I'm sure I didn't.

Inez.. Everybody except you. That was the Monday night. And on the Sunday night, if you recollect

Lady S. [Very quickly and pettishly?^ My dear Inez, you seem strangely interested in this young fellow.

48 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Inez. I seem interested! I scarcely spoke to him.

Lady S. Neither did I.

Inez. At any rate, you were at church with him on the Sunday night.

Lady S. \Confused^ I'm sure I—who told you that ?

Inez. You told me you were going to church on the Sunday evening. I stayed at home. Did you go?

Lady S. \Co7ifiised?\ Did I? Let me think— Yes, yes, I did.

Inez. After dinner Mr. Edensor came into the drawing-room. Mrs.

Grantham asked him where he'd been. He said, "To church." She said, " Isn't it very late ?" He said, " The sermon was a very long one." You hadn't come in. I asked him if he had seen you at church, and he said, "Yes, you sat in the next pew to him." When I got upstairs you had just come in. I said, "You're very late." You said, "

The sermon was a very long ohe," and Lady S. Oh, my dear Inez, it was an awful, awful, awful sermon. It was just as boring as this rigmarole of yours. Now do, please, stop,

and let us finish with this terrible young fellow.

Inez. \A little angry^ My dear Sue, the young fellow is no concern of mine.

Lady S. And I'm sure he's none of mine.

Inez. \A little nettled^ I didn't say he was.

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 49

Lady S. Then why do you wish to make out that we went to church together?

Inez. My dear Sue, why do you make such a fuss about it?

Sir R. \Interposing, soothing them down.^ Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch !

Tsch ! My dear Mrs. Quesnel, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Sue went to church, as I understand, this particular Sunday night. Eh, Sue ?

[Inez begins to watch very intently.

Lady S. Yes.

Sir R. And by the merest chance Mr. Edensor went to the same church ?

Lady S. Yes.

Sir R. You neither went with him nor came back with him?

Lady S. \Hesitates a little?\ N—o.

Sir R. But by the merest chance he happened to sit in the same pew with you ?

Lady S. Yes. No. I'm not sure. I can't remember.

Inez. It was the next pew, at least so Mr. Edensor said.

Lady S. Yes, the next pew. I remember now. It . was the next pew.

\Getting more and more confused^ He sat on this side—no, on this—

no—I—\Meets Sir Richard's look^ I forget, and there's an end of it.

\Goes up to balcony ifi a teftiper, stands there with her back to Sir Richard and Inez.]

so REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

[Enter Waiter with cards on tray, hands them to Sir Richard. Sir R. takes cards, looks at Lady Susan, tvhose back is to him, shows them to Inez.

Inez. [In a loiv voice to him.'] Mr. Harabin !

Sir R. [Cautiotts/y.'] Shush! don't tell her. [To Waiter.] I'll come and speak to them.

[Exit Waiter. Exit Sir Richard.

Lady S. [To Inez.] Inez, it's mean of you to spread such stories about me. I thought you were my friend.

Inez. So I am, dearest. Sue, if you have been— foolish Lady S. Foolish ?

Inez. With this Mr. Edensor

Lady S. [Very indignant.^ Inez!

Inez. Dearest, I said " if." You know, dear, you may rely upon me. I'll say anything to help you

Lady S. [Dignified itmocent tone.] Thank you. If you will only say the simple truth, that will be quite sufficient to clear my conduct of all

suspicion. [Suddenly eagerly.] You never saw anything to lead you to suppose

Inez. No, not at the time. The idea never came to me till this moment. Then there was nothing between you, dearest ? [ Very searchingly.]

Lady S. [Emphatically^ No, not even so much as an innocent flirtation. You know, Inez, if

/^

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 51

there were I should tell you. I tell you everything.

Inez. Do you ?

Lady S. Yes. And you tell me everything, don't you, dearest?

Inez. Yes, dearest, everything [Kisses her.

Re-enter Sir Richard.

Sir R. You'll stay to lunch, Sue ? I'm going to have quite a pleasant little party.

Lady S. Who's coming ?

Sir R. Isn't there one very old friend, and a dear good fellow, whom you would be pleased to meet again ?

Lady S. My husband ! Uncle Dick, how can you insult me by asking me to meet my husband ?

Sir R. My dear Sue, why shouldn't you meet your husband ?

Lady S. Because—because it's impossible.

Sir R. Why? You haven't carried out your threat ?

Lady S. What threat ?

Sir R. To introduce a little romance into your married life.

Lady S. [ With the greatest indignation.^ Uncle Dick!

Sir R. But you threatened

Lady S. Threatened! What else can we poor women do ? Oh ! and you could believe that I could

52 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

be guilty of—\Horror-stricken?[ Oh ! oh ! Will men never understand a woman ?

\Exit very indignantly at balcony. Sir Richard and Inez look at each other no7iplussed. Inez. Our oil doesn't seem to be lubricating. Sir R.

Mrs. Quesnel, honour—\Inez gives him her hand.^ Was there anything between Sue and young Edensor at Cairo ?

Inez. On my honour, I believe no.

Enter Waiter at door.

Waiter. Mr. and Mrs. Fergusson Pybus are here and would like to see you, Sir Richard.

Sir R. Show them in. And let me know when Sir Joseph Darby and Mr. Harabin return.

[Exit Waiter. Inez. What's to be done about Sue ? Sir R. More oil. A constant gentle application. [Strokes the back of her hafid.l^ Go and soothe her down and bring her over to lunch if you can.

Inez. If we don't succeed what a lot of oil we shall have wasted ! [Exit at balcony.

[Sir Richard, left alone for some moments, ivalks up and down room very perplexed, indicating that he is putting together the links of a chain of evidejice, a?id puzzling them out in his own mind, walks, stops suddenly, slightly scratches his forehead, ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 53

puts one forefinger on the other, puts head on one side, walks again, puzzles.

Enter Waiter, announces Mr. and Mrs. Pybus.

Enter Elaine and Pybus slowly and a little sulkily, as if on bad terms with each other. Exit Waiter.

Sir R. \^Cordially?\^ Well? \_Shaking hands with each of them^

Well? \_Lookingfrom otie to the other.^ What's the matter ? Nothing serious, I hope ?

Pybus. We told you, Sir Richard, that we should come to you if any difificulty arose.

Sir R. Thank you. \_To him.'] Sit down. \^To her.] Sit down.

[ They sit down one on each side of him. Sir R. \_GeTiially.'\ Now tell me all about it.

\During the following scene Sir Richard

is quietly seated between the two. He does not interfere i7i the least, but merely turns his head from one to the other as each

begins to speak.

Elaine. The whole thing is in a nutshell. Is

the mistress of the house to be consulted on a purely domestic arrangement, or is she not ? Is she to be treated as a rational creature, or is she not?

Pybus. My darling, I have always wished to treat you as something entirely sweet and perfect and gracious; something sainted and apart; but

54 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

when you insist on getting on a chair and breaking the looking-glass

—you do make it a little difficult, my darling, for me to—to—

\_Descriptive gesture.^—to cherish my ideal of you.

Elaine. It was your pushing that broke the looking-glass.

Pybus. My darling, I was quite gentle. I merely held the corner of the dressing-table in a firm position while you struggled.

Elaine. Just so. You merely asserted your superior brute force. Brute force ! Brute force! When will Woman hear any other argument from Man?

Pybus. My dear Elaine, I did argue with you for nearly three-quarters of an hour. I explained how impossible it is for me to—to concentrate myself, to bring all my manifold powers to bear upon the problems of this age while you are shaking the washing-stand, and letting the breakfast get quite cold merely for the sake of indulging your own whims.

Elaine. Whims? I have no whims. I have only convictions.

Pybus. My dear Elaine, what is it but a whim when you Elaine. Really, Fergusson, it is impossible

[^Rising angrily.

Pybus. \^Also rising angrily.'] Really, my darling, I cannot Sir R. \Interposing^ soothes them down.] Tsch!

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 55

Tsch! Tsch! Tsch! Sit down. Sit down, both of you. \Motioning them into their chairs again.] Sit down. There is to me in all matrimonial disagreements a want of harmony, a want of beauty, so to speak, which I am quite sure, Mr. Pybus, must be as distressing to you as it is to me.

Pybus. That is what I am always explaining to Elaine. We made it a rule when we were married to avoid all that is petty and mean and commonplace in life.

Sir R. [Soothingly.] An excellent rule. It ought to be incorporated in the marriage service {Throughout the scene he assumes a perfectly calm and judicial beari7tg?\ Well now. You were married on the second of February. After your honeymoon, you took up your residence at

Pybus. At Clapham.

Sir R. At Clapham. You made it a rule to avoid all that is mean and petty and commonplace in life, and you took up your residence at Clapham. I forget the exact address ?

Pybus. " The Nest," Gladstone Road, Clapham.

Sir R. " The Nest," Gladstone Road, Clapham.

Pybus. [Plaintively.] I cannot say that Clapham appeals to me.

Elaine. Clapham is intolerably suburban. The inhabitants of Clapham are entirely conventional persons. They do not live in the realm of ideas at all. And Fergusson will not join me in rousing

Pybus. [Interrupting her.] My angel, I do think

£

56 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

it is of more importance that you should—[Ends with a feeble descriptive geshtre^

Elaine. And I think that it is of more importance that you should assist me in organising my society.

Pybus. I cannot see, my dear

Elaine. [Stopping him.'] No, Fergusson, you cannot see. That is the difficulty with men. They cannot see.

Pybus. Really, my darling—[Rising again angrily.]

Elaine. Really

Sir R. [Soothing them down.] Tsch! Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! [Gets them seated again. To Elaine.] What is this society you are organising ?

Elaine. The Clapham Boadicean Society for the Inculcation of the New Morality among the Women of Clapham.

Sir R. What is the New Morality ? Has it anything to do with the Ten Commandments ?

Elaine. It is not based precisely upon those lines. [Beginning oratorically.] There is an immense future for Woman Sir R. [Hurriedly stopping her.] I'm sure there is ! I'm sure there is !

But we must not discuss the future of woman just now. Well now, you agree upon one thing. You both dislike Clapham.

Elaine. It is your unwarranted retention of my fortune, Sir Richard, that

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 57

Sir R. {Interrupts^ stopping her.'] Yes, yes,—we must not discuss my conduct just now.

Elaine. But it is your conduct that compels us to exist in a jerry-built villa, in a wretched suburb surrounded by suburban persons with entirely suburban ideas

Sir R. My dear Elaine, we must not discuss Clapham just now.

\_Takt?tg out watch.] I want to hear the history of this unfortunate disagreement between you and Mr. Pybus.

Elaine. But it all arises from living in Clapham.

Sir R. Oh ! I thought you said it was a purely domestic affair.

Elaine. So it is. We live in Gladstone Road, Clapham.

Sir R. But how does that produce disagreements between you and Mr. Pybus ?

Pybus. I am of an intensely nervous and artistic temperament, and I cannot shave in the morning unless the blind is fully drawn up so that I can perceive, with the utmost nicety, the exact position of any pimple—otherwise I cut myself,

Elaine. But it is very inconvenient that the blind should be drawn up, because of the neighbours in the rooms of the opposite house.

Pybus. I am sure Sir Richard will agree that it is highly desirable that the blind should be drawn up.

Sir R. {Judicially^ It is highly desirable, Mr. Pybus, that you should not cut yourself while shaving.

E 2

58 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Pybus. [To El awe, tn^imphantly?^ There!

Elaine. But if the bHnd is drawn up, the people in the opposite house Sir R. It is highly desirable that the good folks who live in Clapham should not be shocked.

Elaine. [Triumphantly to Pybus.] There! And every morning Fergusson will insist

Pybus. My dear, it is you who will insist. And really Sir R. Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch !

Pybus. [Plaintively^ It affected my health so much I was obliged to leave Clapham. And I cannot consent to return to " The Nest" unless Elaine— [Descriptive gesture?\

Elaine. Nor can I—unless

Sir R. Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! [In a very calm and judicial tone.] Is there only one blind to this window, or is there also a small muslin blind ?

Elaine. There is a small muslin blind.

[Pybus nods acquiescence.

Sir R. What is the distance from the top of the muslin blind to the top of the window ?

Elaine. Four feet.

Pybus, Three, my dear.

Elaine. Four,

Pybus. I'm sure, my darling

Elaine. I measured.

Pybus. I'm sure—my dear, if you will contra4iict [Piteous ly.

Sir R. Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! We'll have ACT 11 REBELLIOUS SUSAN 59

it measured again. [To Pybus.] The looking-glass is immediately under the window ?

Pybus. [-Pa^Aetica//y.] The looking-glass is unfortunately broken.

Sir R. Kindly replace it at my expense. [I'roceeds judicially?^ If the roller blind were drawn down each morning to exactly half the distance between the top of the window and the top of the muslin blind, it would allow plenty of light for you to shave by, Mr. Pybus ?

Pybus. Yes,—yes, I think so, but really I cannot Sir R. Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! Tsch ! \Turning to Elaine.] And it would also protect any one inside the room from the observation of the neighbours opposite ?

Elaine. Yes. Unless any one went near the window.

Sir R. Well, now, it seems to me it would be convenient to every one concerned if during the time Mr. Pybus is shaving in the morning the roller blind is drawn down exactly half the distance. And during that time it would be convenient if you, Elaine, did not go within two yards of the window.

Enter Waiter.

Waiter. Sir Joseph Darby and Mr. Harabin are outside. Sir Richard.

Sir R. Show them in. [Exit Waiter.] Now, won't 6o REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

that arrangement enable you to return in perfect agreement like doves to the nest ?

Pybus. [Doubtful!] Yes, perhaps, but •

Elaine. Well, that depends

Sir R. Go and take a pleasant little stroll in the gardens, [Getting them off at window.] and arrange in future for the blind to be just half-way up—that is to say, neither up nor down !

[Gets them off at window.

Enter Waiter, shelving in Admiral and Lady Darby.

[Exit Waiter. Sir R. [To Admiral.] Well, how does he seem now?

[Admiral shakes his head very sytnpathetically, and points to James Harabin, who enters very slowly, hands in pockets, very downcast and miserable. He walks desponde?ttly to armchair, drops into it listlessly, and stares in front oj him with the pathetic expression of a man very much ill-used by the world. Admiral. [Pointing to Harabin as to a martyri] There ! There you see the result of all this tomfoolery of woman's higher education ! There you see what happens when a woman takes the bit into her mouth. A man's peace and happiness utterly ruined !

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 6i

[Harabin sits in plaintive silence, taking no notice.

Lady D. Quite true, Jo, but \with a severe look at Harabin] that does not excuse a man for forgetting that he has got a good wife, and Admiral. \Quickly^ No, my darling; when a man has a good wife it's a rascally shame to forget her. And to think that next Saturday I shall be compelled

to leave you for \Is ??iuch affected.^ Ah, Victoria,

if you had only been a good sailor !

Lady D. I'm not so sure that we should have been any happier, Jo.

You never seem to appreciate me so much as you do the week before you leave me, and the week after you return.

Admiral. Well, perhaps it's best as it is, my love, perhaps it's best as it is !

Har. [Feebly, pathetically.'] Kato, I'm all to pieces. I couldn't eat any breakfast.

Sir R. [Ringingbell.'] My dear Jim! What shall it be ? A chop, steak, bacon and eggs

Har. [Shuddering, shakes his head piteously.'\ Could they manage an anchovy sandwich, and a glass of dry champagne ?

Enter Waiter.

Sir R. Anchovy sandwich, and a small bottle of the best dry champagne.

Admiral. Do you know, Kato, I feel that an anchovy sandwich and a glass of champagne would just keep me going till lunch.

62 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Sir R. Anchovy sandwiches for two, and a large bottle of the best dry champagne. [Exi'f Waiter.

Admiral. My appetite is something remarkable.

Har. I haven't made a decent meal for months.

Admiral. [ Very sympathetically^ again points to Harabin as to a ?

nartyr.] Ah ! there it is, you see. A woman runs away from her duties.

What happens? Everything goes to rack and ruin ! A man's meals, a

man's health, all his little home comforts and luxuries completely sacrificed !

Har. What did Sue say about meeting me, Kato ?

Sir R. Well, the fact is, Jim, I—I believe Mrs. Quesnel is talking very kindly about you. And, perhaps, if Lady Darby were to go over to Sue and help the negotiations, we might induce Sue to come over to lunch and make it up.

Lady D. I'll go and see what I can do. But really, there is no excuse for a man

Admiral. No, my love, none whatever! And when I think [Mt(cA affected, breaks off?\—Go and put it very nicely to her, dear. I'll come over as soon as I have had my anchovy sandwich, and we'll go for a nice little stroll together, shall we ? Ah ! how this place reminds me of old days ! \^Micch affected again.

Lady D. Don't be foolish, Jo. \Exit at door.

Admiral. \As he closes the door after her.^ There goes the best woman in England ! Ah, Jim, it's a great pity for you young men that the good old stamp of English girl and wife is getting extinct!

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 63

Enter Waiter, with a tray of ajichovy sandwiches^ and a bottle of champagne ; pours out three glasses.

Admiral. What do you think of English women to-day, Kato ?

Sir R. I have met with some of all sorts.

[Admiral conies up to table, takes up a glass of champagne. Harabin sits and looks gloomily in front of him. Admiral. \(ilass in hand-l You've had a great deal of experience in the marriage question.

Sir R. \_Taking glass.'] Outsiders' experience —yes. [^Exit Waiter.

Admiral. What is to become of society— [Drinks.]—A very good glass of champagne, Kato ! What is to become of society if women insist on turning everything topsy-turvy, eh ? [Takes afi anchovy sandwich.

Sir R. [Drinks.] I don't know. Have a glass of champagne, Jim.

[Giving chatnpagne to Harabin, who takes it moodily and gloomily, sits holding it in his hand without drinking.

[During the following scene the Admiral helps himself very freely to cha77ipagne, and eats nearly all the plate of sandwiches. Harabin sits very moody and gloomy, scarcely touches one or the other.

Admiral. Where are we going, eh ?

[Eats a large mouthful of anchovy sandwich.

64 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Sir R. Ah, just so. Take a sandwich, Jim.

[^Giving a safidtvich to Harabin, who takes it, makes a face at it, and sips a little wine, gloomily.

Admiral. That's what I ask myself. [Another mouthful.^ Where are we going ?

Sir R. Ah ! Where are we ? Well, I can afford to look on with the complacent curiosity of an intelligent rustic who sees the coach rattling down the hill at a devil of a rate with runaway leaders and no brake. I can only mildly speculate whether there will be a smash-up.

Admiral. [Very solemnly.'\ Kato, take my word for it, there will be a smash-up.

Sir R. I shouldn't wonder. Of what?

Admiral. Of the marriage coach—if we men don't keep a tight hold of the reins. And a devil of a smash-up it will be !

Sir R. Ah ! Thank God I'm not a passenger.

Admiral. [Taking another sandwich.~\ Here's an instance of it. [Points to Harabin, who is toying with a sandwich and vainly trying to get a mouthful of it down^ Jim has his little failings. But because a man has his little failings, is that any reason for his wife running amuck amongst all the conventions and proprieties of social life, eh ?

What's your opinion ?

Sir R. I have no opinion. I take no side. I merely watch the game.

ACT 11 REBELLIOUS SUSAN 65

Admiral. And looking round I ask myself where we are going, eh, Jim

?

[Takes another sandwich.

Har. [MoodilyP\ I know where I'm going. I'm going to the dogs. Has Kato told you how they've cheated and swindled me ?

Admiral. Who?

Har. Everybody. My servants, my tradesmen, and confounded womenkind.

Admiral. \Sympathisingly, sandwich in hatidJ] Ah! \Points him out again as a 7nartyr to Sir Richard.

Har. Why the deuce a man who has a perfect wife like I had, for Sue was as near perfection as possible, wasn't she, Kato ?

Sir R. You're her husband. You ought to know.

Har. She was. Perfect manners ! Perfect taste ! And the best of tempers ! What on earth could induce me ?

Sir R. The advantages and delights of a steady course of respectable monogamy are so many and so obvious, that I have

never been able to understand how any man or woman could possibly deviate from it for one moment.

Admiral. [More sandwich.'] If ever there was a jewel of a wife it's Lady Darby. God bless her! Here's her health. [Briftks.'] I don't deserve her. She's too good for me. When I remember what 66 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act u

an unfaithful rascal I've been, and the lies I've had to tell—the awful lies—[Is overcome with painful reminiscences and iveeps.

Har. I never knew what a good wife was till Sue left me.

Admiral. \Getting very cotifidential, and a little f?iatidlin.'\ You wouldn't believe me, Jim, [Pawing Harabin affectionately] if I were to tell you half of the particulars of my—my unfortunate history. [Crying a little.] Of course, in these matters [Turning to Sir Richard, and taking him in] we must all make great allowances for men [Sir Richard acguiesces], especially for sailors. How do you account for it, Jim [Stiddenly brightening into great joviality and pride], that the best Englishmen have always been such devils amongst the women

? Always ! I wouldn't give a damn for a soldier or sailor that wasn't, eh ? How is it, Jim ?

Har. [Still absorbed in his own woes.] I don't know, and I jolly well don't care.

Admiral. Yes. Taking all things into consideration I can forgive myself a good deal. But when all's said and done, nothing can disguise from me awfu' fac', Kato, that I have behaved like a disgraceful scoundrel, best of wives. [Is again overcome, and weeps.] And if I knew any possible way in which I could blot out the past, I'd do it freely and willingly. What would you advise me to do, Kato ?

Sir R. In the absence of any possible amend ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 67

ment of conduct in the past, or any probable amendment of conduct in the future, I think a good display of hearty repentance in the present is all that can be reasonably demanded from any man.

Admiral. If I were to go down on my knees to her I couldn't express a thousandth part of the sorrow I'm feeling at this moment.

Har. If I can only get Sue to settle down comfortably again with me, I'll reform and make a model husband for the rest of my hfe.

Admiral. Ah, that's just what I've said to myself scores of times. And once or twice I've kept my word—for a considerable period, I may say a very considerable period,

Har. But I mean it. Never again ! These last ten months since Sue left me, I've had such a lesson of the treachery, the extravagance, and the heartlessness of womankind, that from this time forward I am fully determined I will never again

Enter Lady Darby.

Har. What does Sue say ?

Lady Darby. She says she'll have nothing to say to you.

Har. Very well. \^Rises resolutely, takes hat, goes to door, suddenly stops.] Lady Darby, do you suppose that—she refuses to return to me because—she has— introduced

68 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Lady D. Oh no, you may make yourself quite easy on that point.

Har, You're quite sure ?

Lady D, Quite sure.

Har. Very well. [Goes to door.]

Sir R. Where are you going, Jim ?

Har. To the telegraph office. You'll bear me witness, Kato, how awfully cut up I was, and how thoroughly I had determined to turn over a new leaf. But now I feel justified in taking advantage of any course of conduct that may present itself.

[Exit.

Admiral. [Points to Harabin's exit as to that oj a martyr^ then turns to Lady Darby with resolute voice and mantier.] Where is Sue staying?

Lady D. At No. 7, Marine Gardens, just opposite.

Admiral. [ With great resolution.] Take me to her.

Sir R. What are you going to do ?

Admiral. I'm going to bring her back to her senses. A woman has no right to shake the foundations of society in this way. I shall tell her very plainly that this kind of behaviour must be put a stop to!

Sir R. That tune won't do with Sue. Send her over to me.

Admiral. But, my dear Kato

Sir R. Send her to me. I shall handle her better than you will.

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 69

Admiral. Very well. {Turns to Lady Darby.] Ah! What a comfort it is to have a wife of the good old-fashioned sort like you, Victoria !

\Exeunt Admiral and Lady Darby at balcony. Sir Richard is left alone.

Walks up and down^ puzzled. A knock at door.

LuciEN enters.

LuciEN, [Letters in hatid.'] I've looked through the letters, Sir Richard, and

Sir R. Lucien, I've got a case that is puzzling me a geat deal.

Lucien. Indeed !

Sir R. It may never come into court, but—it's puzzHng me. It has just occurred to me that you might help me.

Lucien. Anything that I can do.

Sir R. It is concerned with the extraordinary practices of an English clergyman at Cairo. This English clergyman, the Reverend Samuel it seems—I forget his church—Saint—Saint—Saint Something. What are the English churches at Cairo ?

Lucien. I don't remember.

Sir R. [Still pretendittg to be puzzled.'] Saint—ha, —you can't remember the English churches ?

Lucien. No. I never went into one all the while I was there.

70 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act u

Sir R. Then I'm afraid you can't help me. So you never went to church at Cairo ? Bad boy ! Bad boy ! You never went to church ?

LuciEN. [Innoce?ttfy.'\ No, not once. \Siiddenly remembers, shows a little alarm.'] Yes, I went the last Sunday night I was there. I remember now.

Sir R. \_Carekssly.] What was the name of the church ?

LuciEN. Saint—Saint—Something.

Sir R. What was the church Hke ?

LuciEN. The inside ?

Sir R. Yes.

LuciEN. The inside ? [Beginning to flounder.] There was nothing remarkable about the inside.

Sir R. Was it a large church ?

LuciEN. Yes—rather—rather a large church—a medium-sized church—[Catches Sir Richard's eye.] You're pumping me !

Sir R. Pumping you, my dear boy? I only wanted to get a few particulars. If you don't care to tell me, it's of no consequence.

LuciEN. [Getting a little angry.] I'll tell you all I remember. There was an aisle, and—I've an impression, but I can't be quite sure, that there were large pillars—and—and—[Gets a little fnore confused under Sir Richard's glance.] the sermon was a very long one.

Sir R. [Looking at him?\ Ah !

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 71

Enter Pybus at balcony.

Pybus. I beg pardon, Sir Richard, but if you will kindly help us a little, I think we might arrange some basis for our returning together to the Nest.

Sir R. Very well, Mr. Pybus.

LuciEN. Good-bye, Sir Richard.

\Offering hand.

Sir R. {^Offering him the " Timesr\ No, sit down. I want to have a little more talk about this long sermon. \Pushes the " Tifties" ifito his hands and gently pushes him into the arm-chair.'\ Now, Mr. Pybus.

Pybus. [^Confidentially to Sir Richard as they go off at balcony.'] If you wouldn't mind hinting to Elaine that if she could surround me with that necessary atmosphere

Sir R. Ah!

Pybus. Really, she does n't give me any impetus, any afflatus.

Sir R. [Sympathisingly.'] Ah! Ah! Come along. We'll see about it.

[Exeunt Sir Richard and Pybus by balcony. LuciEN is seated behind the paper^ Short pause.

Enter Waiter showing in Lady Susan.

[Exit Waiter.

72 REBELLIOUS SUSAN ACT II

[LuciEN rises, puts dow7i paper, comes to her.

Lady S. \Embarrassed^ My uncle sent for me LuciEN. He's outside in the garden. We've only a few moments.

[Coming to her.

Lady S. No, no. [Breaks away from htm.'] Oh, you'll go ! You'll be kind to me and go !

LuciEN. I shall do what you tell me, if it is to kill myself.

Lady S. How can you talk so rashly ?

LuciEN. Because I mean it. I'll go if you tell me. It will be a harder parting than the last, but I'll do it. It will break my heart, but I'd rather break my heart with longing for you than win all the other women in the world. [Her face shows great pleasure.] You needn't think you'll have any trouble in getting rid of me. [Going from her.

Lady S. You'll break my heart if you talk like this.

LuciEN. You love me still ?

Lady S. Is there any need to ask that? And you—you love me still ?

LuciEN. I've never loved any woman but you. I never shall if I live a thousand years. You don't know how you have sweetened all my life.

Those weeks at Cairo! They're like a splendid dream. All's dull grey with me now for the rest of my life.

Lady S. All's dull grey with me for the rest of .my life. What am I saying ?

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 73

LuciEN. \_Clasps her, takes her hand, sees ring on if.] The ring I gave you. [Kisses her fittger.'] Give me something in return.

Lady S. Will you leave me then ? Oh, this is madness. You'll go ?

You'll go ? Oh, promise me !

LuciEN. If you bid me.

Lady S. [Taking off a ring.] Here's a ring Uncle Dick gave me ten years ago. I've worn it ever since. You'll never part from it ?

[Taking ring off finger and giving it to hitn.

LuciEN. Never.

[Takes it, is about to put it on his finger.

Lady S. No, don't put it on now. Uncle Dick would recognise it. Put it on the moment you have left me, and wear it always.

LuciEN. Always. To my last breath.

Lady S. You'll never speak of me ?

LuciEN. I have never breathed your name to a living soul from the moment I left you. I never will. Don't you see, I cannot speak of you?

I must hide you. I shall hide you in my heart till I die.

Lady S. And I shall hide you in my heart till I die. [Looking off at balcony.] We've only a moment.

LuciEN. One moment in all our lives.

Lady S. Good-bye.

LuciEN. Good-bye. [Clasping her.] No! I can't give you up ! Sue, we belong to each other. I'll give my whole life to make you happy.

F 2

74 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act ii

Lady S. [Struggli7ig m his arms^ No, no ! I daren't! I daren't! What will become of me ?

LuciEN. Trust me. You're mine already. You can't trust me more than you have trusted me. You sha'n't deny me ! You sha'n't cheat yourself and me of all that makes life worth living. I cannot leave you

! I will not!

Lady S. {Desperately?\ What can I do ? What can I do?

LuciEN. Meet me to-morrow night at eight—the Continental mail, Cannon Street Station. We'll go over to the Continent. You'll come ?

You must! You shall!

Lady S. {Desperately^ Yes. \He takes her hand, kisses it.] • Lady S.

Hush !

LuciEN. To-morrow night—Cannon Street Station. [She nods.

Enter Sir Richard at window. Lady Susan and LuciEN show a little confusion. Sir Richard looks keenly from one to the other and back

again.

Sir R. ([//? a very calm viatter-offact tone.] Lucien, I've been consulting the time-tables, and I find if you leave to-morrow morning by the eleven o'clock train, you'll have time to make those inquiries for me about the clergyman in Cairo, and still catch next Thursday's boat to New Zealand.

LuciEN. I'm very sorry. Sir Richard; it's impossible.

ACT II REBELLIOUS SUSAN 75

Sir R. Not a bit, my dear boy. Now go back to Eastgate at once, up to town by the two fifteen, dine with me at Brooks's to-night at eight, and off you go to-morrow morning at eleven. LuciEN. I'm very sorry

—I can't. Sir R. I'm very sorry, but you can, and you will. LuciEN. I've certain things to do. Sir R. And certain things to leave undone. [ Very sternly.^ Come, sir, you leave at eleven to-morrow.

[ Very firmly. LuciEN. \_More fir??ily.'] No. Sir R. \Still more firmly?

Yes, I say, yes.

LuciEN. But I

Sir R. But I say "Yes." \In a very kind but firm tone^ Come, my lad, understand me, I mean it. Off you go. \Opetis the door, stands with it openi\ Pack! Pack! Pack!

LuciEN has a mometit or twds indecision^

exchanges one last agonised look with

Lady Susan, and then is about to rush

off. Sir Richard at door intercepts

him., offers his hand. Lucien, after

another mofne?ifs indecisioti, takes it,

wrings Sir Richard's ha?id.

Sir R. [^Cordially shaking hands.^ There's a good lad ! [Lucien rushes off. Sir Richard closes door after hitn, comes to Lady Susan, with great decision.

Very resolutely.^ Now, my very dear Sue, I'm going to have a little talk with you.

76 REBELLIOUS SUSAN act li

Lady S. [A little alarmed, a little cowed, a little defiant.'] What about ?