Mrs Caudle’s Curtain Lectures
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Mrs Caudle’s Curtain Lectures
Mrs Caudle’s Curtain Lectures is the 1845 comic classic by Douglas Jerrold (1803-1857), the Punch wit and playwright. Night after night, once the candle is out, Mrs Caudle lectures her helpless husband Job on his sins, his lodge meetings, his lent umbrella, while he can only groan toward sleep. The series sent Punch’s circulation soaring and made Mrs Caudle a household name for decades; Victorian readers quoted her the way later ones quoted radio comedy. It remains one of the great sustained jokes of English humour. Free PDF download available on BDeBooks.
Listen to Mrs Caudle’s Curtain Lectures Audiobook Free
Listen to Mrs Caudle’s Curtain Lectures by Douglas William Jerrold free online. The full audiobook (4 hr 22 min, 38 chapters, read by Martin Clifton) streams free on this page.
Mrs Caudle’s Curtain Lectures (1846) is a public domain work.
| # | Chapter | Length | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Introduction | 8:45 | |
| 2 | Lecture 1: Mr. Caudle has lent five pounds to a friend | 6:22 | |
| 3 | Lecture 2: Mr. Caudle has been at a tavern with a friend, and is “enough to poison a woman” with tobacco smoke | 7:11 | |
| 4 | Lecture 3: Mr. Caudle joins a club – “The Skylarks” | 7:39 | |
| 5 | Lecture 4: Mr. Caudle has been called from his bed to bail Mr. Prettyman from the watch-house | 2:56 | |
| 6 | Lecture 5: Mr. Caudle has remained downstairs till past one, with a friend | 4:19 | |
| 7 | Lecture 6: Mr. Caudle has lent an acquaintance the family umbrella | 6:23 | |
| 8 | Lecture 7: Mr. Caudle has ventured a remonstrance on his day’s dinner: cold mutton and no pudding – Mrs Caudle defends the cold shoulder | 6:28 | |
| 9 | Lecture 8: Caudle has been made a mason – Mrs Caudle indignant and curious | 6:08 | |
| 10 | Lecture 9: Mr Caudle has been to Greenwich fair | 6:02 | |
| 11 | Lecture 10: On Mr. Caudle’s shirt buttons | 6:29 | |
| 12 | Lecture 11: Mrs Caudle suggests the her dear mother should “come and live with them” | 7:40 | |
| 13 | Lecture 12: Mr. Caudle having come home a little late, declares that henceforth “he will have a key” | 7:05 | |
| 14 | Lecture 13: Mrs Caudle has been to see her dear mother – Caudle on the “joyful occasion”, has given a party and issued a card of invitation | 5:38 | |
| 15 | Lecture 14: Mrs Caudle thinks it “high time” that the children should have summer clothing | 7:27 | |
| 16 | Lecture 15: Mr. Caudle again stayed out late. Mrs Caudle, at first injured and violent, melts | 7:18 | |
| 17 | Lecture 16: Baby is to be christened; Mrs Caudle canvasses the merits of probable godfathers | 7:41 | |
| 18 | Lecture 17: Caudle in the course of the day has ventured to question the economy of “washing at home” | 7:11 | |
| 19 | Lecture 18: Caudle, whilst walking with his wife, has been bowed to by a younger and even prettier woman than Mrs Caudle | 6:56 | |
| 20 | Lecture 19: Mrs Caudle thinks “it would look well to keep their wedding-day” | 7:23 | |
| 21 | Lecture 20: “Brother” Caudle has been to a Masonic charitable dinner. Mrs Caudle has hidden the “brother’s” cheque-book | 7:26 | |
| 22 | Lecture 21: Mr. Caudle has not acted “like a husband” at the wedding dinner | 7:47 | |
| 23 | Lecture 22: Caudle comes home in the evening, as Mrs Caudle has “just stepped out, shopping” On her return, at ten, Caudle remonstrates | 7:43 | |
| 24 | Lecture 23: Mrs Caudle “wishes to know if they’re going to the sea-side, or not, this summer – that’s all | 7:41 | |
| 25 | Lecture 24: Mrs Caudle dwells on Caudle’s “cruel neglect” of her on board the “Red Rover”. Mrs Caudle so “ill with the sea”, that they put up at the Dolphin, Herne Bay | 7:47 | |
| 26 | Lecture 25: Mrs Caudle, wearied of Margate, has “a great desire to see France” | 8:10 | |
| 27 | Lecture 26: Mrs Caudle’s first night in France – “shameful indifference” of Caudle at the Boulogne custom house | 7:21 | |
| 28 | Lecture 27: Mrs Caudle returns to her native land. “Unmanly cruelty” of Caudle, who has refused “to smuggle a few things” for her | 7:47 | |
| 29 | Lecture 28: Mrs Caudle has returned home. The house (of course) “not fit to be seen”. Mr Caudle, in self-defence, takes a book | 6:12 | |
| 30 | Lecture 29: Mrs Caudle thinks “the time has come to have a cottage out of town” | 8:17 | |
| 31 | Lecture 30: Mrs Caudle complains of the “Turtle Dovery”. Discovers black beetles. Thinks it “nothing but right” that Caudle should set up a chaise | 7:25 | |
| 32 | Lecture 31: Mrs Caudle complains very bitterly that Mr. Caudle has “broken her confidence” | 8:02 | |
| 33 | Lecture 32: Mrs Caudle discourses of maids-of-all-work and maids in general. Mr. Caudle’s “infamous behaviour” ten years ago | 7:08 | |
| 34 | Lecture 33: Mrs Caudle has discovered that Caudle is a railway director | 7:36 | |
| 35 | Lecture 34: Mrs Caudle, suspecting that Mr. Caudle has made his will, is only “anxious as a wife”, to know its provisions | 7:36 | |
| 36 | Lecture 35: Mrs Caudle “has been told “ that Caudle has “taken to play” at billiards | 7:35 | |
| 37 | Lecture the Last: Mrs Caudle has taken cold; the tragedy of thin shoes | 5:16 | |
| 38 | Postscript | 1:55 |
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