A Confession

Childhood prayers, family jokes and a brother’s religious devotion become evidence in Leo Tolstoy’s account of his changing beliefs. Raised in the Orthodox Christian faith, he recalls accepting its teachings on trust and later finding that they had lost their hold on him. His memories show how disbelief can develop through everyday habits and social pressure as well as through deliberate thought. A dream of failing supports above a vast abyss gives physical shape to his search for something secure.

Tolstoy also describes marriage, children, property and writing. For years, providing for his family fills his attention, while literary work brings money and applause. Questions about the purpose of these efforts gradually interrupt even practical decisions about land and education. This autobiographical reflection brings the problem of meaning into ordinary responsibilities, making it relevant to readers interested in belief, ambition and the reasons people give for how they live.