Scene 5

INT. THE SITTING-ROOM AT 221b BAKER STREET. 8 a.m.

A fire blazes. Holmes is barely awake.

PETERSON: ...so, to cut a long story short, Mr. Holmes-HOLMES: Yes, do that by all means, my dear fellow.

PETERSON: Yes, well, as I say, to cut a long story short... I brought both items straightway round to you as soon as I could. Knowing as how you’re always interested in any little problems.

HOLMES: Yes. Quite right. ( He yawns, involuntarily) Excuse me, Peterson.

PETERSON: It’s not too early for you sir? I mean I could come back again later on.

HOLMES: ( It’s not that interesting) No, no! ( He makes an effort) Very well, Commissionaire. You’ve told me the story in admirable detail, pray unveil the trophies.

BAKER: The trophies? Oh, I see what you mean. Well, the hat, you’ve seen that.

HOLMES: Yes, I’ve seen that. But what exactly do you have wrapped up in yesterday’s Echo, second edition?

BAKER: Well, sir...

He clears his throat and, in the manner of a magician producing a rabbit, pulls away the paper wrapping from the mysterious object.

A moment.

HOLMES: ( Laughs) Oh my dear fellow, I congratulate you. That is a most unimpeachable goose.

PETERSON: There’s no call to congratulate me, Mr. Holmes. It’s not mine. Look here, there’s a label:

He indicates a label tied to the bird’s leg.

HOLMES: “For Mrs. Henry Baker”.

PETERSON: The old gent what run off last night - mistaking me for a constable, like I said - well, he must have been taking it home. And you see my problem, sir.

HOLMES: Your problem is the price of your honesty, Peterson. A lesser man would be counting his good fortune.

PETERSON: Well that’s as maybe. But I know my duty, and that’s to return both the hat and the bird. But how, Mr. Holmes? That’s the question.

HOLMES: How indeed. Do you sincerely want my advice as to what to do with the goose?

PETERSON: Well, yes sir, I do.

HOLMES: Take it home, cook it and eat it.

PETERSON: Mr. Holmes!

HOLMES: There are... ( He sniffs) signs that delay would be unwise.

Holmes lifts the package and gives it to Peterson.

PETERSON: Well, perhaps...

HOLMES: Most definitely. It is high time for it to fulfil the ultimate destiny of a goose. I trust you and Mrs. Peterson will enjoy it.

PETERSON: But the rightful owner, sir!

HOLMES: ( Moving off) You may leave him - and his hat - to me.

He opens the door.

HOLMES: ( Approaching) Good morning to you, Peterson.

PETERSON: ( Moving slowly off) Well, er... and to you, sir. And a very Merry Christmas to you.

HOLMES: ( Grunts a reply) The door shuts.

( Sighs)

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